Have you finally orgasmed yet?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize