hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
