My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
