I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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