What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
