The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
