i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
should my penis look like a turkey
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
