and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
