A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize