We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
