It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
