I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
