if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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