Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
