um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
