Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
