i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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