chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I love you.
Bad choice
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