Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
