the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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