im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
