R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
