I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
