How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
