You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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