So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
