Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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