Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
