Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
