If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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