you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
