I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
