ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize