There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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