My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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