"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
