wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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