she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
