So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
