then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
