morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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