I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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