I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My penis needs a shock collar
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
