Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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