Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
