I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
