a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
