i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We have started to decorate penises.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
