i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
