My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
