If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize