She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
