so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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