Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Randomize
