shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
