I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
