Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize