This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
