I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
