I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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