I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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