Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
