I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
