Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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