my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Come share oat with me in your robe
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
