My cat gives me a boner
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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