can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize