if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
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