My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
