We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
