I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
