She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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