If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize