i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
