In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
