you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
His nipple licking is glorious
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